Pregnancy Update

Alright, here's the run down: I'm not really enjoying being pregnant. Sure, I'm super excited to be a mommy, and I feel blessed that I get to experience growing a little human inside me, but unfortunately, that doesn't prevent it from sucking sometimes. I feel really guilty about it, but I can't help with how I feel.

It's so hard to explain what pregnancy is like to anyone who has never experienced before. Heck, even women who have experienced it might not understand, since pregnancy is so different for everyone. But here's the truth: everything in your body has the potential to stop working normally. Things you didn't even know could be effected b pregnancy are. Everyone knows about the backaches and the morning sickness. But did you know you can be congested through your whole pregnancy? Yup. Since you carrying 7 liters of extra blood in your body, your nasal passages swell and increase in pressure, thus causing congestion. So you basically have the sniffles for up to 9 months. You can become intolerant of certain foods and smells. Some women experience headaches. Your feet swell, your eye sight can get worse, your joints (even joints you did not know existed) ache and cause pain. Everyday activities make you short of breath and more tired than normal. You have to adjust your sleeping position. You can't take anything but Tylenol. You start gaining weight, and with that come ligament and muscle cramps in your abdomen because everything is stretching. You can't eat as much anymore in one sitting, but some days you can't tame your hunger. Your digestive system stops functioning. And lets not forget that your bladder is all of a sudden three sizes too small and you have to constantly use the bathroom. I haven't slept through the night for the last three months because of this. Actually, I usually wake up twice. Guess the baby's preparing me for when he/she gets here :)

For some women, they get hardly any of these. Their morning sickness lasts for only the first trimester, and other than aches and pains and the constant bathroom use, they're fine. Some of us, though, are highly uncomfortable. I happen to suffer from migraines. In the past four days, I have experienced two. I have woken up with them, and they are accompanied by extreme neck pain. I then proceed to get sick all morning (two days ago I couldn't keep anything down until dinner). Tylenol didn't even work because I threw that up, too. All I can do is stay in my house and hope that it eventually goes away.

And this is all just the physical side effects. There are a lot of emotional side effects, too. I pretty much much experience everything from sheer joy to full on panic. I love my baby, I'm so excited to have one, but I'm also nervous and overwhelmed and in disbelief. "Is this really happening to me? Finally?" "I get to be a mommy! The only thing I've ever wanted in life!" "Oh goodness, it's never going to just be me and Matt. Ever again." "Holy cow I get to be a mommy! And buy lots of cute things for my baby." "Oh I hope I don't screw up raising this baby." "Ugh I'm going to get so big!" "Oh my goodness I actually have to push that out of me!" "When do I get to feel the baby move?" "Oh my gosh what if it's a miscarriage?" It's natural for all of these things to go through your head. Sure, everyone knows that pregnant woman get big. But when it actually becomes a reality, you kind of fight it. Even though it's for a good reason, I fought with my weight gain. Does any woman really want to gain weight? Not really. And there's nothing like the reality that eventually, that baby WILL be coming out. Very painfully. And there's nothing you can do about it. I have always looked forward to pregnancy. But nothing- I repeat, NOTHING- can prepare you for it until it actually happens to you. You also can't predict who you will react, or feel, or how easy your pregnancy will be until you're going through it.

Like I said, I'm so glad I get to experience this. There's nothing quite like. On days when I feel good, I enjoy being pregnant and embrace it. Those days, however, that suck, REALLY SUCK. Unfortunately for me, I have more sucky days than good days. I wish more than anything that I could flip that, but this pregnancy doesn't want me to roll that way. That's life. So believe me, I take advantage of the days I feel great. I walk the dog a lot, clean the house, and stay active. The days that I'm feeling like crap, I take it easy and just hope it gets better as I get farther along.

So believe me when I say, I can't wait for this baby to get here! Sure, I'll be exhausted, my house will be neglected, and I won't sleep for about 3 months, but I'm pretty sure having that little baby in my arms will make me forget all about that :) Only about 21 1/2 weeks to go!