Columbus-isms

Today I sent a text to our good friend Bryan about an annoyance I experienced today, and he told me to write come "Columbus-isms." So here we go, a list of all things annoying in Columbus :)

You know if you are in Columbus, MS when:

-The JC Penny doesn't open until 1 pm. That's right: 1 PM PEOPLE!
      -Ok, I know we're in the south, so I don't expect everything to open at 9 am on Sunday, and I even expect most mom and pop places to be closed, but JC Penny? Attached to the mall? REALLY? My husband needs shorts! Even PetSmart is open at 10, can you please open earlier than 1 pm?

-The only legit coffee shop in town open on the weekends is playing NASCAR on the TV.
       - I say legit because it's open on the weekend. And their coffee drinks actually taste like coffee WITH mocha, not mocha with hardly any coffee in it (sorry Joe Muggs...and Dunkin' Donuts). I realize everyone loves NASCAR in the south, but dude, not in a coffee shop. Put something else on, please! Like pre-season pro football!

-At 5:30 in the morning, the light turns red just in time for you to have to stop, and you're stopping for... NOBODY!
      -Is this town really the only place where there are no weight or motion censors on the lights? Why do I need to stop at every light for nobody????

-There is no classy bar in town.
      -Not that I have a habit of frequenting bars, but it would be nice to go out to a place for drinks that isn't Applebees.

-You are afraid of driving on US-45.
    -This is the main thoroughfare through town, that also connects the base to the town. This road is scary. Not because it's difficult driving. In fact, it's pretty straight forward. But no one here can drive, so you're afraid of being hit from all sides at all times. I breath a shy of relief when I get back onto base.

-You almost die 4 times in the parking lot, within 30 seconds of pulling out of your spot (that's what she said)
      -Either someone's not paying attention, driving down the wrong row, or plowing through the parking lot weaving in and out of parked cars, or is in a rush and doesn't want to wait for you.

-Instead of a Starbucks on every street corner like Seattle, it's fast food!
      -Not that there's really anything wrong with that, but still. Just from my work building I can see a McDonalds, Captains D's, Bojangles, Chik-fil-a, Hardee's, and Popeye's Chicken. None of which I have been to.

-On a two lane highway, westbound is 55 mph, eastbound is 45 mph.
      - ... What?... So which is it?

-You have to drive over 60 miles to get to a craft store.
    -WalMart does have yarn (but not any that I need), but I try never to go in there, so Tupelo it is! And anyways, WalMart's selection of scrapbook supplies has a lot to be desired.

-The JC Penny has no kitchen stuff. Just clothes.
    -SO DISAPPOINTING. Seriously.

-If you don't know what Roll Ride or War Eagle or Geaux Tigers is, or which of the Mississippi universities is Ole Miss, you get the rudest looks.
     -This isn't specifically Columbus, but whatever. Everyone gets SO offended if you could care less about Southern College Football. Sorry, I don't care. :) And yes, I know what all of those mean now.

-There are more dollar stores than coffee shops
    -I'm still surprised a town this small can support this many dollar stores!


All you Columbus people, feel free to add some!