Hueyisms

A Day in the Life at the Darnell's: Huey's POV

My day probably starts way earlier than theirs, since I have the run of the whole house- except the bedroom, where Mommy, Daddy, and The Dog are. They don't let me in. B*tches. They think I'll harrass The Dog or something like that. But it's never my fault. He just won't leave me alone. And I definitely don't provoke him. At all.

So at 6 am every morning, I nicely make my presence known outside the door. Because I'm hungry. But Mommy always lets The Dog outside first. I don't know why. It makes me mad because I'm hungry. So when she brings The Dog back inside and makes her way to my room to feed me, I make sure that she knows that I'm there by running in and out of her legs in front of her- and sometimes stopping- all the way to my bedroom. Sometimes she stumbles over me. Usually it's multiple times. I don't understand why she just can't walk gracefully. But at least she feeds me.

Then she proceeds to the kitchen to feed The Dog. Usually she ends up shutting me in the hallway when I come running out to the kitchen to help The Dog with his food. I don't know why. I'm still hungry.

So to punish her for not feeding me again, I make it very difficult for her to do her work. Mommy uses this thing called the laptop. It's very warm so I like to sleep on it. She doesn't like it when I do that. I don't know why. I'm just trying to tell her I need attention and I'm hungry. So usually I have to settle for her lap. Which is ok, because she makes sure The Dog leaves me alone. She also doesn't like it when I play with her yarn. I think it's called knitting???? She should be making that thing for me. But she keeps saying it's a Seahawk scarf. Whatever it is, I want it. But since I'm not going to get it, I'll just make sure it takes her a long time to do it. And every time Mommy goes to the kitchen, I make sure I go too. I try telling her nicely that I'm hungry, but she usually ends up saying something like "Shut the H*ll up already!" way louder than she needs too. So because she didn't feed me, I make sure to crawl into the refrigerator every time she opens it to keep her on her toes.

When I get bored or hungry, I like to play with The Dog. Funny thing is, he's kind of dumb. I like to provoke him, but when he starts playing with me, I start yelling REALLY loud and Mommy always comes and rescues me. Heehee! Stupid Dog. So somehow I need to work this to my advantage. I wonder if I start tearing apart the couch he'll get blamed for that too.

That's pretty much my life. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go let Mommy know that I'm hungry. She never feeds me enough.